The doctor,
The lawyer,
The dropout,
The designer,
The slacker,
The stoner,
The sociologist,
The coder,
The major,
The gamer,
The hippie,
The homemaker,
The minister,
The musician,
The pilot,
The bride,
The friends,
The lovers,
The acquaintances
And chance encounters,
All the girls (and boy)
I've kissed,
And all the ones
I wish I had,
The ones I saved,
The ones who saved me,
The ones who were there
The one moment I needed you,
Sometimes we fought,
Sometimes we fucked,
Sometimes we didn't,
Sometimes we wanted to,
And even though you're gone,
No matter how distant,
No matter how silent,
No matter how unrequited,
No matter how wronged,
Heartbroken, or heartbreaking,
When I think of you
(Or you of me?),
And argue with your
Relentless ghosts
Each midnight mass,
And miss you,
I console myself
That I’m lucky you
Even noticed me
Standing here alone.
© 2026 Edward P. Morgan III
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ReplyDeleteNotes and Asides
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A few months ago, I had a conversation with my aunt where I said that, married or unmarried, I don't hold my friends' hands or kiss them. With that New England sensibility, she said she was relieved to hear it.
I doubt she will be relieved to read elements of this. Some even surprised my wife.
Even today, "the boy" likely draws more notice than "all the girls". I will only say that sexuality is a continuum, like it, accept it or not. Unfortunately, I grew up in a time when that was not accepted and it was used as a weapon. It still is today by some. I am just more prepared to deal with that truth. My truth. I know who I am and where my sexuality lies. I have and have had too many friends for whom that struggle was far more real and existential.
"The bride" was not my bride, although I didn't know she was to be someone else's at the time, at least until the encounter was over. That's if she didn't lie to me, which I often wonder. And that's all of that story I need to tell.
The others in the list of individuals, well, they are men and women who are unlikely to read this piece or care. They all have stories that will remain untold. At least two are no longer able to tell their story at all. There could be more. And the first draft of that list was longer and could have been longer still. Which I think my aunt might find incredibly sad.
But I believe there are many of us who attend that midnight mass alone and wonder. Or maybe it's just a congregation of one.
Picture notes:
ReplyDeleteThis image was based on an image of an eye I found online. I heavily modified the eye, then copied it to create the second eye. Once that was done I added the tilt to give the impression of a woman looking at you, coyly. The tilt gives a lot more interest to the the image as well as drawing your attention, as if to say... Notice Me.